Henry Rayhons, 78, has been charged with third-degree felony sexual abuse, accused of having sex with his wife in a nursing home on May 23, 2014, eight days after the home staff members told him they believed she was mentally unable to agree to sex. The New York Times has reported the story, calling it “possibly unprecedented” for such circumstances to prompt criminal charges. Even more surprising is Mr. Rayhons’ background, he is a nine-term Republican state legislator. He decided not to seek another term after his arrest.
The Rayhonses had a loving, affectionate relationship, having married in 2007 after each had been widowed. They met while singing in a church choir.
But Mrs. Rayhons had severe dementia at the time of the incident, unable to remember her daughter’s name or how to eat a hamburger. So, could she legally consent to have sex?
There is no evidence that Mrs. Rayhons resisted or showed signs of abuse following the sex. Yet, her treating physician had previously stated that she did not have the mental capacity to consent and Mr. Rayhons was informed of that determination. But testimony has been given that Mrs. Rayhons was always happy to see her husband who visited her twice each day.
And experts agree that intimacy is beneficial for dementia patients. Physical intimacy can benefit dementia patients, experts say, calming agitation, easing loneliness and possibly aiding physical health.
Experts say adult children whose parents are in second or third marriages may have more difficulty condoning sexual activity with the newer spouse, something that may have played a role in Iowa, where Mrs. Rayhons’ daughters and Mr. Rayhons disagreed about her care.
The case is being tried by the Iowa attorney general’s office because of Mr. Rayhons’ prominence in the county. Mr. Rayhons may testify this week. His lawyer and his son, Dale, declined to comment, but soon after the arrest, his family issued a statement saying in part: “Accusing a spouse of a crime for continuing a relationship with his spouse in a nursing home seems to us to be incredibly illogical and unnatural, as well as incredibly hurtful.”
The medical and ethical concerns that arise with this situation will become ever more pressing with our aging population and resulting increased number of dementia cases. How can anyone determine whether a person with dementia can say yes to sex? And who has the right to decide?
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